Dear Agony
by RoadkillHermes
Summary: Holmes has a bad week and ends up using drugs. WARNING! Deathfic Based on the song by Breaking Benjamin.


_Okay everyone I'm back! I'm almost finished with I'm Not Sick! and will be posting the 10th chapter soon. This is based on the song Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin. WARNING! This is a deathfic! I do not own Sherlock or the song. Everything in bold are lyrics. Please leave a review! Thank you!_

To say I've been having a bad week would be an understatement. Watson was more focused on Mary than finishing our case and as a result the killer we have been chasing got away. I know it's not his fault, but I still can't help the anger I feel. So I turn to my only friend left in the world.

**I have nothing left to give  
>I have found the perfect end<br>**

I pull the syringe and cocaine from their hiding places. I quickly fill and insert the syringe. I depress the plunger slowly letting the relief come.

**You were made to make it hurt  
>Disappear into the dirt<strong>

The anger I felt towards Watson slowly dissipates, as does the world around me. This shocks me for a moment before I realize that I took more cocaine than I ever have before. With mild disdain I realize that I'm dying.

**Carry me to heaven's arms  
>Light the way and let me go<br>Take the time to take my breath  
>I will end where I began<br>**

All my life I have solved mysteries, helped others, and grown older knowing that one-day I would no longer be needed. Now as I'm slipping slowly into deaths embrace I realize how much time I've wasted. All I can do is relive my failings.

**And I will find the enemy within  
>'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin<strong>

All my life I've chased after one bad guy or another, always-focusing outwards never looking inwards. Too afraid of what I might find, too scared of darkness I might find lurking inside.

**Dear Agony  
>Just let go of me<br>Suffer slowly  
>Is this the way it's got to be?<br>Dear Agony  
><strong>

My body slowly starts to shut down and I know my end is near. All the pain I have caused, the anger and hatred that was let into this world with me, I hope it dies with me. I hope that I can at least do one good thing with my death.

**Suddenly**  
><strong>The lights go out<strong>

The lights start to dim and fade and I know my time is drawing to a close. I let my body sink into the chair, supporting what my bones can no longer carry. My mind turns to the past.

**Let forever  
>Drag me down<strong>

I remember. I remember when I first met Watson and how quickly we had become friends. I remember my first case. I remember it all, the faces of the people I helped and the people I could not help. They swim in and out of view but chief amongst them is my friend Watson. That lights a spark in me.

**I will fight for one last breath  
>I will fight until the end<br>**

My lungs are giving out and it is becoming harder to pull in the air they so desperately need. I fight and claw my way back from the darkness, trying to reverse what I have done to myself. But it is too late death calls for me and I must answer.

**And I will find the enemy within  
>'Cause I can feel it crawl beneath my skin<br>**

I look death in the face and tell him, "You and I are enemies now. Because you chose to take from me that which is most dear." He grins at me, if it can be called such a thing. No he is made of darkness and were a mouth should sit an empty hole resides.

**Dear Agony  
>Just let go of me<br>Suffer slowly  
>Is this the way it's got to be?<strong>

I fight tooth and nail. I am a not going to give up easy. I realize that I have not drawn a breath for a couple minutes and I force my lungs to draw in the much-needed air. There is so much pain. I exhale and decide not to do that again.

**Don't bury me  
>Faceless enemy<br>I'm so sorry  
>Is this the way it's gotta be?<br>Dear Agony  
><strong>

Death is still there in the shadows but he is growing stronger. It is drawing all the color out of the room, turning the room into a black hole. I can't resist it anymore. I close my eyes and prepare to surrender.

**Leave me alone  
>God let me go<strong>

But death is not satisfied. He has to bring my failure to light. I hear the study door open. Some color seeps back into the room as I open my tired eyes and I can just make out Watson's face. Why did death take such delight in torturing me?

**I'm blue and cold  
>Black sky will burn<strong>

Watson is in front of me in a moment and I can make out the all the pain I have caused him over the years. I try to lift an arm, to lift my voice and say how sorry I am. I want to touch him one last time and take away all the pain. But my body fails me.

**Love pull me down  
>Hate lift me up<strong>

He is holding my face and his mouth is moving but my ears have stopped working. I can see the tears forming in his eyes and all I want is for him to be mad at me, to hate me for leaving. But no, he has no place in his heart for hate.

**Just turn around  
>There's nothing left<strong>

With unspoken words I urge him to turn and leave me, never to look back, never to find me again. But he stays; he holds me and pulls me into him. He rocks me as if I am a baby and I feel his tears pelt my head.

**Somewhere far beyond this world**  
><strong>I feel nothing anymore<strong>

Soon I stop even feeling that. Nothing is left and I lay my head in Watson's chest. I let a tear escape and in it lays all my anger, hurt, happiness, and joy. I close my eyes one last time.

**Dear Agony  
>Just let go of me<br>Suffer slowly  
>Is this the way it's got to be?<br>Don't bury me  
>Faceless enemy<br>I'm so sorry  
>Is this the way it's gotta be?<br>Dear Agony  
><strong>

My chest heaves and then stops. My body sinks into Watson and I take death's hand. Together we walk into the emptiness.

**I feel nothing anymore**


End file.
